Separated at Birth

My Best Idea Yet

So I just joined the Girl Scout cookie mailing list. That's how much I love them, the cookies that is... samoas, thin mints, tagalongs and those peanut buttery ones! The sad part is the only way to obtain these delectable cookies is pure luck. If you happen to know a girl scout, once a year it rains cookies, but if not you're not well acquainted with the under 12 crowd and are generally corralled off with the other 20 somethings in college or at the singles ward, you have no choice but to reach for the keebler. If you're lucky, you'll stumble across a stand of girl scouts on the way out of wal-mart or whilst ambling through gallery hop, but this is a rare occurrence and these happenstance run-ins should not be relied upon to fulfill one's cookie needs. So instead of sitting around on a Friday night hoping a girl scout will knock on my door, I thought the website would be a more proactive choice (and it would free up my weekends). There's a handy cookie finder where you can type in your zipcode to find out if your local girl scouts have begun their sales. Mine have not. Apparently cookie sales take place in the spring. Something about not sending children out canvasing door to door in the cold. Posh. Yet the boy scouts sell Christmas trees in the middle of winter. What do the people need more here? Silly Christmas trees or COOKIES? I understand that the cookie campaign is a way of teaching girls work ethic or something, but wouldn't it be a lot more profitable if they just sold those things to wholesalers? Maybe they should get the brownies to have a competition to see who can pitch the best business model for year-round cookie sales to grocery store moguls or they should at least create a badge awarded to girls who devote sufficient time processing and shipping out cookie orders via the website. I plan to promptly contact the Girl Scout organization and inform them of my brilliant ideas, until then I will patiently nibble on my oreos.
(Note: In the above blurry still from Troop Beverly Hills, Jenny Lewis is standing behind Shelly Lane. Apparently, being or impersonating a girl scout is the first step to becoming a rock star.)

Vending Machine: 1 ; Michelle:1

Ha! Yesterday after a week and a half of emailing with the cafeteria I finally received a $3 refund via interoffice mail from the embezzeling vending machine. Unfortunately, I was only owed $2. I think it's taunting me. It's testing my integrity. I won't be bought vending devil! If I leave the extra dollar on the sidewalk for an orphan to find, can we just call it even? I think that's fair.

The Great Burrito Glitch

There's a glitch in the system. Today I stopped into Jimmy Guaco's for my usual post-shakespeare pre-anthro Burrito break and left the establishment somewhat elated and terribly confused. I ordered a bean burrito, which was about Chipotle size (fyi: these are LARGE, about the size of a guinea pig or premature baby). But that's not the crazy part. When I got to the register Burrito girl only charged me $2.85. I paused, "Are you sure it's $2.85....?" "Yeah. You didn't get meat so I just charged you for beans, rice and a side of guac." "Okay...". So I took my over-proportioned burrito and ran. While I scarfed my meal I wondered whether this was simply a new employee blunder or a loophole in the Jimmy Guaco's corporate infrastructure. I studied the menu, $4.79 for a veggie burrito (which included red and green peppers) plus tax. So had I really just saved myself $1.94 for skipping the peppers? Usually Chipotle tries to find anyway they can to ensure my meal never costs less than $6, meat or no meat, peppers or no peppers. I'm not sure whether you'll receive the same discount, but I highly recommend attempting to score a cheap burrito at Jimmy Guaco's, look for the cashier who seems a little confused and/or benevolent.

Does this make my arteries look fat?

All my life I've had an appetite like a hoss. Not even kidding. There is film footage of me in a high chair wolfing down pudding with my bare hands, while the other children poke forlornly at their spaghetti. I've been quite proud of my metabolic prowess in the ability to pork out and reap no consequences. Until, the fateful day when the consequences hit me like Muhammad Ali (and yes, they stung like a bee). Apparently I have high cholesterol, which my physican mentioned in passing without much explanation other than "Huh... Is this genetic?" "No." "Hmm. That might be a problem later. Welp, have a great day!". Baffled and without the tools to battle potential heart disease, I decided to do what any good hypochondriac would do, self-medicate. While I considered loading up on lipitor, I thought it a better idea to systematically cut out foods high in cholesterol and saturated fat. I've been quite diligent in this except for when my conscience dictates the need for ice cream at 1AM or for Biggie fries after class, two to three times a week. In short I'm a little t.o.ed that my genetics would dupe me like this. Cheap shot guys. But I guess I should have assumed that eating like like John Candy, would lead me to a similar fate.

4. Hoss: An individual, typically American, who consumes copious amounts of food at every meal. They are characterized by loudness, food babies, and the lack of a visible belly button.

Yeah, we adopted a starving African child from Djibouti, and he's been hossing down on some American burgers.

UrbanDictionary.com

I Rocked the Vote, Blanco Style

Today is a historic event. America has elected its first African-American president Senator Barack Obama, and even though I didn't vote for him it's exciting, and I'm quite interested to see what happens next. I voted for the first time today, which I did in true Blanco fashion. With 30 minutes 'til the polls closed I rushed to my voting location to cast my ballot. To my dismay (but not to my surprise) I wasn't on the list! Three voting venues and one ride from a kindly pollster later I arrived with 4 minutes to spare and cast my ballot. What amazed me most about this whole day was the sense of civic duty and patriotism. I heard about a billion times today "don't forget to vote!". At work they even let us off 30 minutes early to go vote, and the poll workers were so intent on making sure I got to vote, that they wrote out directions and even offered me a ride to my correct polling location. I was so impressed that regardless of who I was planning to vote for there was an overwhelming sense of support and unification despite party affiliation. And that's how it should be. Michelle's looking a little iffy. Last chance to campaign Barack. Am I still allowed call him Barack?

Oh politics. Can't we all just hug it out?

I care about democracy and everything, but do I care enough to get up at 5:30 and stand in line for possibly two hours? Ah...On top of that I'm still not really sure who to vote for. Cindy McCain has better outfits than Michelle Obama, but Barack Obama has the ability of not coming off as a total jerk when speaking in public. Tough call.