Does this make my arteries look fat?

All my life I've had an appetite like a hoss. Not even kidding. There is film footage of me in a high chair wolfing down pudding with my bare hands, while the other children poke forlornly at their spaghetti. I've been quite proud of my metabolic prowess in the ability to pork out and reap no consequences. Until, the fateful day when the consequences hit me like Muhammad Ali (and yes, they stung like a bee). Apparently I have high cholesterol, which my physican mentioned in passing without much explanation other than "Huh... Is this genetic?" "No." "Hmm. That might be a problem later. Welp, have a great day!". Baffled and without the tools to battle potential heart disease, I decided to do what any good hypochondriac would do, self-medicate. While I considered loading up on lipitor, I thought it a better idea to systematically cut out foods high in cholesterol and saturated fat. I've been quite diligent in this except for when my conscience dictates the need for ice cream at 1AM or for Biggie fries after class, two to three times a week. In short I'm a little t.o.ed that my genetics would dupe me like this. Cheap shot guys. But I guess I should have assumed that eating like like John Candy, would lead me to a similar fate.

4. Hoss: An individual, typically American, who consumes copious amounts of food at every meal. They are characterized by loudness, food babies, and the lack of a visible belly button.

Yeah, we adopted a starving African child from Djibouti, and he's been hossing down on some American burgers.

UrbanDictionary.com